Love, In True Marauder Style
by next- world domination
Summary: “She hates me,” James said bleakly. Sirius shrugged. “Nah, she just… well, a little bit. And she wants to know why you’ve been stalking her for the past week.” MWPP canon. Formerly titled "Fools Who Love Too Much", massively edited.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all characters © JK Rowling.

Heavily edited and posted on a whim. Enjoy!

* * *

James Potter was not interested in girls. He had more important things to think about, like whether or not he could play any more pranks without getting expelled and how the Gryffindor team could win the Quidditch Cup this year. Girls were… well, just not worth his time. Also, he had it on good word that girls were terrible people. Sirius had three girl cousins, so he would know better than anyone. Peter agreed with Sirius, although like James, Peter was an only child and had spoken to a girl maybe twice in his life.

Remus did not consider Sirius's opinion valid, but that was beside the point. Remus never thought anybody was a terrible person. Mostly, Remus thought that James was not yet out of his prepubescent girl-hating phase, and would be a late bloomer. James's mother tended to agree.

But things change. When James was 14, he fell in love, and Hogwarts got a little scarier for everyone involved.

* * *

It was the first Potions class of the year, and already he could tell that the year would be boring. Slughorn stood at the front of the room, droning on and trying to catch the eyes of his most famous students.

His eyes wandered when he was bored. James looked around the room—Severus Snape hadn't gotten any less greasy, and Janet Lane was still the shortest girl in Gryffindor. Everything was the same as it had always been. Then he caught a flash of very shiny, dark red hair. He was captivated. James was kind of like a magpie in that way. A lot of people had been surprised when he became a Chaser and not a Seeker.

The hair was attached to a tall girl with excellent posture. James could only see her from the back, but she was awfully familiar looking.

Then Slughorn rattled off a lengthy list of ingredients and asked what the potion was, and her hand shot up. "Veritaserum, or truth potion," she answered promptly.

_Whoa_, James thought. Slughorn beamed. Her voice was loud, very confident, and also sounded familiar.

He grabbed a quill and scribbled, _Who's the girl in the front row who just answered the question? _He tossed the note to Sirius, who was asleep with his mouth open at the desk beside him. A puddle of drool had formed beside him. Remus looked disapproving.

The note hit Sirius in the eye, and after some grumbling, the note was returned.

_It's Lily Evans, stupid. She's friends with Snivellus and Slughorn loves her._

James stared. He remembered pranking Lily Evans and teasing her a lot in first year, but he was fairly indiscriminate about who he teased. Mostly they ignored each other now, except for a couple times a year when she would be walking with Snape and James and his friends would toss a mocking comment or two in their direction.

James watched her for the rest of the class. A couple times she turned her head to whisper to one of her friends. James had never noticed before that she was extremely pretty.

After class ended, he joined his friends in the hallway. "That's _Lily Evans_? Evans, who's friends with Snape?"

"Yes," Sirius said after a pause. "She looks better this year, doesn't she? Lost the braces."

"She's _hot_," James said dreamily.

Sirius looked concerned. "You're mental."

"She has terrible taste in friends," Peter said darkly.

Remus took a bite out of his chocolate bar, swallowed and seemed as if he was about to say something, but then he thought better of it. James couldn't really help being an enormous, delusional tool.

Sirius said it for him, though. "What do you even know about her other than that she's hot and friends with Snivellus? She's probably an awful person."

Sirius thought that being voluntarily associated with Slytherin in any way, even through friends, made you an awful person.

James knew that this had a lot to do with his family, which was frankly terrifying. Over the Christmas holidays in second year he'd gone home with Sirius and the Blacks had spent an entire dinner discussing various ways the wizarding world could assert their superiority to Muggles. At least half the family agreed that slavery should be considered.

Sirius's older cousin Bellatrix was particularly frightening. She licked her lips a lot and used her silverware with an unnecessary amount of force. Bella was a seventh year and James made a point of avoiding her in the hallways.

"She's _Muggleborn_," James pointed out. "She's in _Gryffindor_. Snape's a moron, but he's not evil."

"You should learn a little bit about her before you get all devoted," Remus said.

* * *

James had an unfortunate tendency to take things to heart to an unhealthy degree. This was why he had a list, titled "Things I Know About Lily Evans", that numbered 149 items by the end of the first week of school.

The list included observations about her classes (she was in almost all of his), her appearance, her friends (other than Snape), her interests and her eating habits. A byproduct of his list making was a renewed hate for Severus Snape, who seemed to spend an awful lot of time with her. James didn't understand their friendship at all—Lily was pretty and smart and Snivellus was creepy and obnoxious.

Maybe they fancied each other! James shuddered, then banished the thought. Lily and Snape had been friends since before Hogwarts. She probably felt sorry for him.

James presented his list to Remus once he was finished, since Remus was more mature than Sirius and less likely to make fun of him. He also showed it to Peter, who nodded supportively and added, "I think that's an excellent list; now all you have to do is talk to her!"

Remus was slightly less enthusiastic about the whole affair. "It's very, um, thorough, James. How do you know all of this anyway?"

"Um." James had stalked her all week, actually. He'd followed her around on tiptoe with a quill and sunglasses and pretended to be a spy. Like James Bond, his Muggle hero. Birds totally loved James Bond.

Remus looked like he knew anyway. "You idiot! She's going to think that's creepy. Why don't you act like a normal human being and just talk to her for a few minutes?"

"I don't have to. I'll tell her how much I like her and everything that I know about her, and she'll be flattered that I took the time to look all this stuff up. And she will realize that Snape is a slimy creep and stop being friends with him."

"I don't know if-" Remus began.

At this point, Sirius burst into the dorm. "I did it," he crowed with the air of a person who had achieved something significant for mankind.

"What did you do?" James asked cautiously. One had to be careful when asking Sirius questions like this, because the answers more often than not tended to run something along the lines of "I put a hex on Snape so that his hair turned blonde and was in pigtails, and now we all have a week of detention because McGonagall reckons you helped" or "I pushed Amos Diggory into the lake and the Giant Squid attacked him".

Sirius did not disappoint. "I talked to Lily Evans! And she hates you!"

"You talked to her?" James repeated dreadfully. "Would you care to elaborate on that?" He preferred not to think about the second part of Sirius's announcement.

Sirius was grinning in a vaguely alarming manner. "Well," he said. "She was reading in the common room and I went up to her and told her that you fancied her. And Lily looked all horrified and asked me if I was serious. I said I was, because I'm funny like that-"

"Actually," Remus said. "Nobody thinks the Sirius/serious jokes are funny anymore."

"I think they're funny," Peter said loyally.

Sirius ignored them. "-then she said you were a bloody great buffoon. Also, she thinks you have stupid hair."

"She hates me," James said bleakly. He felt something like a flourishing flower that had suddenly, cruelly, been cut off from its sources of light and water.

Sirius shrugged. "Nah, she just… well, a little bit. And she wants to know why you've been following her around for the past week."

Remus handed him the list wordlessly. Sirius read it, but he was mostly trying not to laugh.

"How can she not like me? I'm charming and I'm really good at Quidditch!" James was inconsolable.

"Well, you are kind of annoying," Sirius said.

"Can you be nicer to Snape?" Remus said. "I mean, you don't exactly endear yourself to her by constantly hexing her best friend."

"I'll try," James sniffled miserably. "But he's a git."

"That's the spirit," Peter said encouragingly.

* * *

Reviews make me happy, and make me write faster. Just sayin'.


	2. Obsessions and Delusions

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all characters © J.K. Rowling.**

**A/N: **So that was pretty fast, right? The other updates will probably not come very regularly. Maybe every 3 weeks. I'll try. Anyway, I have a new title, which may change again. Decisiveness is not my forte.

* * *

_Chapter 2: Obsessions and Delusions_

"You know, Lily Evans could do a lot worse than me," James said dully. It had been three days since his humiliating epiphany, the one where he had realized she was not actually in love with him. He was currently examining his face in the bathroom mirror. "I'm pretty good-looking. I mean, I'm not _deformed_ or anything, I have a sexy Quidditch-toned body- what?" he asked indignantly.

Sirius had snorted Butterbeer all over his bed. "Sexy Quidditch-toned body?"

"Ramona Vane wrote that in one of her fan letters to me last year," James said defensively. "She also called me a 'sex muffin' and repeatedly requested that I go to Madam Puddifoot's with her."

Sirius looked disturbed. "I still think you should have reported her for harassment," he shuddered, spilling some more.

Remus rolled his eyes from over on his own bed where he was writing an essay for Transfiguration. "I'm not cleaning that up for you," he told Sirius severely. "I don't care if you think you're too handsome to soil your hands, just look up the spell."

Just to annoy him, Sirius flicked the rest of the drink at him and swept a few chocolate frog wrappers on the floor.

Remus stared straight into his textbook. "I'm still not doing it," he said levelly. But James noticed that Remus's eyebrow had developed an almost imperceptible twitch. This happened only when he was about to change into a werewolf or when Sirius was being insufferable.

"Anyway, she's friends with Snape, who makes me look like a supermodel- Remus! Are you still listening to me?"

"I'm still listening, James," Peter said patiently. He was also working on his essay and had a smudge of ink on his chin. James pointed this out, and Peter swiped at it with his free hand. All he managed to do was smear the ink across the rest of his chin, giving the impression of having developed a small black beard, a look that was at odds with his dishwater blond hair and round face.

"Uh, yeah, that's good." James lied. "But it's nice that you care, Peter. Now where was I…?" He propped his chin up on his hands, pondering this as he flipped through his Potions notes.

"Evans didn't say you were ugly. She just hates your hair," Sirius offered. "And Pete, you look like a pirate." Sirius unwrapped another chocolate frog and threw the wrapper over his shoulder, where it hit Remus. Remus snapped, hurling his textbook at him and immediately regretting it when the book landed in a puddle of Butterbeer.

"I hate you all," James informed them. "And I have _great_ hair."

* * *

Remus, Sirius and Peter were starting to become very concerned about James.

Over the last few weeks, he had started to show some very distressing symptoms of insanity, or was at least harboring some particularly delusional fantasies. They couldn't be sure exactly how or when these symptoms had begun to manifest.

It could have been after he started making the list about Lily Evans, which was now several scrolls of paper long and dragged on the floor. James would not be parted with it.

Or when he started drawing pictures of her in class (James did not possess an ounce of artistic ability; they made sure that these pictures never ever reached Lily, lest her considerable wrath encompass them all. Remus was especially sure that she would not appreciate the one in which James had depicted the two of them at the beach, and was equally sure that Lily would never wear a bikini like that anyway.)

Or possibly after James had seen Lily eating cheese one day and decided that she had a fetish for sophisticated French people. He immediately set to the task of learning French with disastrous results. It had not really been a good idea to suggest "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?" to her, although to be fair, Sirius had been the one to suggest that he try it.

Lily was not pleased. (Madam Pomfrey told James that the scars would probably fade over time, although he claimed they would last forever as a testament to their love. Remus thought James was missing the point.)

Sirius tried to distract him whenever he could, but it was a hopeless cause. James developed a panicked look in his eyes whenever his friends tried to bring him out of his Lily-induced moods, which alternated, often abruptly, between euphoria and misery.

Remus was also becoming concerned for other reasons. Snape had apparently caught on that James was in love with Lily, and it was obvious that he was trying harder than ever to get them in trouble. With the full moon approaching, this could get bothersome.

It infuriated James. "He's so ridiculous," James muttered one day, after they'd caught Snape lurking around in the loo trying to eavesdrop in on one of their conversations. "He's everywhere. We should just hex him and be done with it."

"We did do that," Peter reminded him.

"Oh, yeah." James felt momentarily comforted, but then he quailed under Remus's glare. "_What_? We were making sure he didn't find out about your- you know!"

Remus looked pale and wan, but he could still muster up a frightening Voice of Reason™ look. "I appreciate that, James, but you're just making him more suspicious. And he's Lily Evans's friend, remember?"

James got that glazed expression he was prone to whenever Lily's name came up. "Right…"

Sirius looked disgusted. "Can you take your mind off of bloody Evans for two minutes? We're supposed to learn how to become Animagi this year, which is never going to happen if you spend all your time mooning around after her."

"Right." James sounded supremely unconvinced.

At dinner, James had planned to sit as far away from Lily Evans as possible, but ended up sitting across from her after they got down late.

This was because he and Peter had ended up spending the rest of the afternoon squabbling over who got to have the last butterbeer. They had avoided the kitchen ever since that time Sirius had accidentally sat on one of the house elves (he claimed he had mistaken her for a stool), after which the house elves had never treated them the same and watched Sirius with a wary eye. As a result, the Marauders had been running low on food supplies.

When James sat down, he very pointedly coughed and looked in the opposite direction. As usual, she ignored him. It was at least better than having his love mocked, James reflected. Lily had not yet acknowledged his love for her and seemed to think it would disappear if she just pretended it didn't exist.

But James Potter was never one to be ignored for long. He made an attempt at a charming smile. A little ways down the table, Ramona Vane sighed and his smile slid off quickly. Loudly, James asked, "Hey, Evans, pass the yams?"

She turned and gave him a cool look. She did not pass the yams. "I heard what you did to Severus this afternoon."

"He told you? What a little cry baby-" James said in disbelief.

"Actually," she interrupted. "Someone else found him and told me. What is your _problem_, Potter?"

"He was bothering-"

"He wasn't doing anything to you!"

James did not have a good answer. Reflexively, he ran his hand through his hair, a habit he'd adopted years ago.

"He's really not a good person," James said lamely.

Lily glowered. "And you are? You put a hex on him for no reason! Can you blame him for hating you? You're awful to him."

She pushed back her chair and stalked off. James watched her with adoring eyes.

* * *

Later that night, James lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking about a certain redheaded girl.

"Hey, Sirius?" James asked aloud. He'd realized years ago the only way to get a sincere answer out of him was to ask him when he was sleepy and disoriented, and therefore less likely to be obnoxious.

"Whuzzat?"

"Am I awful to Snape?"

Sirius yawned. "Who cares? He deserves it. Are you still thinking about Lily Evans?"

James made a noncommittal noise.

"Forget about it, James. Everyone thinks it's hilarious when you put hexes on people, anyway."

"Yeah."

Lily Evans was only one girl. Lots of girls were interested in him. Did it really matter to James if she was unimpressed with him?

He rolled onto his front and buried his face in the pillow. Yes, it did.

James dreamed of yams and emeralds that night, and refused to get up the next morning until Sirius threatened to talk to Lily again.

* * *

Sirius thought James was being an enormous dolt. After Lily had told James that hexing Snape was awful behavior, he continued to do it. It was kind of baffling.

Lily would appear within 20 feet of him, and James would start talking loudly and mussing his hair. And when Lily rolled her eyes and either ignored or shouted at him, he seemed to think he was being encouraged and continued by demonstrating his impressive hexing prowess. Whenever Lily was in his vicinity, the number of students sent to the hospital wing increased sharply.

Remus, returned from his monthly "sick day", made an honest effort to save James from his foolishness. Things like this were the reason that Remus and Lily were actually on cordial terms. Lily regarded both Sirius and Peter suspiciously, since James' antics seemed to amuse them.

Sirius even tried to be supportive about it. James was the best and the first friend he'd ever had, but enough was enough.

"James, do you realize that we haven't played a good prank in weeks?" Sirius was trembling and had the look of an addict going through intense withdrawal.

James was pretending to practice his Cushioning Charms while actually staring at Lily from afar. Distracted, James waved his wand and nearly stabbed Sirius in the eye.

"Um. Sorry about that. What about pranking?"

Sirius screwed up his handsome face in anguish. "DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE BECOME?"

James finally faced him, annoyed. "_MY LOVE FOR LILY EVANS IS A PURER AND MORE BEAUTIFUL THING THAN ANY PRANK-"_

"Ahem." They turned to see the entire Charms class staring at them. Professor Flitwick looked stern. Lily looked like she wanted to punch James in the mouth very badly.

"Sorry, Professor," James and Sirius chorused together, both with the same winning smile. Flitwick shook his head and turned away, but the corners of his mouth twitched.

"Unbelievable," Peter whispered to Remus, awed. "They can get in any kind of trouble and charm their way out. Er. No pun intended."

Sirius was smug. "Try not to feel bad. I'm naturally gifted."

"Incoming," Remus muttered. James looked up in time to see a scowling Lily Evans bear down on him. His hand drifted up to his hair.

"Hello, Evans-" he began.

"Listen, Potter," she cut him off. "I know all about your creepy little crush, and I don't care. But I'm begging you. Please do not talk to me. Do not talk about me. Do not even look at me and hopefully you'll eventually forget that I even exist. I've been thinking, and this is probably the best solution to your… problem."

James took this advice surprisingly well. "So, you've been thinking about me?" His voice got deeper, and Sirius sniggered audibly. "What a happy coincidence."

"I don't think about you if I can help it," she told him. Her freckles stood out and her cheeks got blotchy, as they were wont to do when she was considering dismemberment. It was a look the Marauders were accustomed to by now, since it was the look she adopted whenever James was around. "I think of you the way I think about other unpleasant things, like chicken pox and mold."

"I could be like mold," James said eagerly. "Mold _grows_ on you."

Sirius looked embarrassed for him.

"We are not having this conversation anymore," Lily said with a kind of horror in her voice. Fortunately, the bell rang at that moment.

"I'll make her like me," James declared. "You'll see."

* * *

**A/N: **Reviews make me write faster. Just sayin'.


	3. Plans and Plots

A/N: Yes, well. This is late. Apologies. Please don't hurt me.

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all characters © J.K. Rowling.**

**0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0**

_**Chapter 3**_

**0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0**

Late one night in November, the Marauders were huddled together at a table in the library, making plans for their special map of the school. The project was in the beginning stages, and while they were usually rabid with excitement about it, no one seemed able to concentrate tonight. Peter's head kept drooping and James was sporting a mysterious black eye that he kept rubbing distractedly.

"Let's finish this later. I'm tired," Peter complained. "And Madam Pince is looking at you funny, Sirius."

"She's probably in love with me," Sirius said knowingly. "A lot of the teachers are."

"I doubt that, she keeps glaring and muttering curses under her breath. She never got over the time you exploded your Potions book in front of her after exams."

"Whatever. You know, Madam Pomfrey is pretty hot," Sirius commented, yawning. "I think I might have a fetish for nurse uniforms."

"Sirius," Remus sighed. "Madame Pomfrey is twice as old as you are. And that is every kind of creepy, not to mention illegal."

"Actually, I'll be 15 in one month, and she's 29. Do the math," Sirius said smugly.

Remus stared at him. "And… she's twice as old as you."

Sirius counted his fingers. "Wha- oh, bugger. Fine." He pouted. "In ten years, she'll be 39 and I'll be 25."

"Still creepy."

"Why do you have to be such a buzzkill?"

"I'm not being a buzzkill. I just don't think you should make any plans to woo the school nurse yet. Start with something smaller," Remus advised. "Like a girl your age. One who actually likes you, for that matter."

"Good luck with that," James muttered. He was hard at work doodling another stick figure picture of himself with his future wife. Remus noticed that Lily was a lot happier to see James in the picture than she had ever been in real life. "Girls think you're mental, Sirius."

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong," Sirius crowed. "Girls think I'm 'gorgeous' and 'charming'." Sirius examined his face in a small hand mirror carefully, turning it to the side in order to best capture his features. "You see, I am just as, if not more handsome than James. For one thing, _his_ hair is a mess. Mine is perfect. And my smile is way sexier." Sirius pulled the corners of his mouth out in a crazy grin, the kind that made people want to shove a fist in his mouth.

Peter looked as if he agreed with this.

"Since when?" James grinned, finally looking up. "And stop talking into the mirror, Sirius. I can hear your voice coming out of mine in my bag." Their set of matching mirrors had proven to be an invaluable communication device.

"Actually, it's true," Remus said reluctantly. "I heard some girls in the common room discussing you two. Apparently, Sirius is hotter but you're funnier."

James almost peed himself with excitement. "Was Lily Evans one of them?"

"Um… no." Remus lied. He decided not to mention that she had rolled her eyes, disagreed, and called him an arrogant jerk in dire need of a haircut. He wasn't sure if James could take another slight about his hair. "Ramona Vane was, though."

"I thought you weren't very interested in the girls here, Sirius," Peter broke in.

"I'm not," he said casually. "But if they're interested in me, then I might as well take advantage of it. After all, I am terribly handsome." No one could deny this. Sirius had slightly too-long black hair, striking grey eyes, and amazing cheekbones, which Remus supposed was enough to combat the craziness in his smile.

"Take advantage how?" Peter asked. His eyes were very wide.

"Obviously, he's going to make them do his homework," Remus said dryly. James snorted and held up his completed work for all to gaze upon in reverence. "Also, I don't think Lily's boobs are that big, James. You're just projecting your image of what you think Lily should be, which is at odds with what she actually looks like." Remus was taking Muggle Studies this year. Recently, his new favorite activity was enlightening the other Marauders on their mental problems according to Muggle psychology.

"Maybe the occasional visit to the Astronomy Tower," Sirius admitted. Peter almost fell out of his chair, and his mouth formed a scandalized 'o'.

James stared at his picture, resentful of Remus's comment. "Such a thought has never crossed my mind. Lily is, true to her name, like a delicate flower-" ("Not exactly," Peter murmured) "-and deserves much better than such perversion from your minds! My mind and intentions are pure!" He cast a glare upon the others, as if daring them to contradict him.

"Liar. When we were at Quidditch practice yesterday, you flew up to Gryffindor tower to see if you could catch a glimpse of her changing through her window," Sirius informed him. There was an inordinate amount of glee in his voice, as there always was when he discussed James' shortcomings.

"I don't want to talk about it!"

"And you accidentally looked into Jacob Abercrombie's when _he_ was changing, and he saw you and came down and gave you a black eye," he supplied helpfully.

Remus put his quill down, appalled. "You told me you got hit by a Bludger."

"I never liked Jacob Abercrombie," Peter said. His voice trembled with indignation and concern. Poor James, suffering from his love of a harpy.

"That girl is bad for me," James grumbled. "She makes me do ridiculous things."

"I think it has less to do with her than the fact that you are, by nature, a ridiculous human being." Remus tried to be tactful. "It's not your fault, James. You've been mad since you were a young child. I think your parents encourage it. They're your enablers." He raised his eyebrows wisely.

"Speaking of which." James pulled a letter out of his pocket, one written on thick parchment with a red and gold 'P' seal. "My mum wrote me to give all of you an early invitation for their _Christmas party_. It's not that fun, mostly people from the Ministry." He grimaced, and then hesitated a little. "She also told me she got you new sheets, Sirius. In case you want to stay over."

The Potters were very wealthy, extremely indulgent to all of James' whims, and fond of his "little schoolmates". It went without speaking that Sirius was invited to stay the entire break. They all understood how Sirius did not get on with his family.

"Thanks," Sirius said. His voice turned bitter. "Things haven't been so good lately. They write me a lot of letters about Lord Voldemort and how he has the right idea, and I should keep track of his rise. Because he's so _amazing_, and all."

"Don't worry about it. We like having you around." James shrugged, a little awkwardly. Remus didn't quite know what to say either. What could you say when your friend hated his family, and with good reason? Peter's eyes were wide, this time with sympathy.

Sirius drummed his fingers on the table and seemed to want to change the subject.

At that moment, Lily and Snape entered. Sirius perked up. "Look, James!" Usually Sirius wasn't thrilled to have Lily around, not because he didn't like her, but because it meant James' mouth would hang open and he would adopt a disturbing puppy-dog expression that was extremely embarrassing even to look at. Right now, he more than welcomed the distraction.

James' head whipped around so quickly that it sent a breeze across the table, and Remus hastily stashed the parchment they had been enchanting into his school bag.

Snape's mouth lifted at the corner in a sneer when he saw them, but he didn't say anything. Lily, on the other hand, gave Remus a friendly smile before sending the rest of the Marauders a withering glare that rivaled McGonagall's in intensity.

Sometimes Remus wondered why James had chosen to fall in love with someone who was obviously capable of and itching to inflict bodily harm upon him. James was strange like that.

"Hi, Lily," Remus said. Remus and Lily were both taking Ancient Runes, and they sometimes talked in class, although Remus always felt a slight underlying urge to apologize for James and what was probably his legitimate insanity. Right now he tried to convey that feeling of sincere apology in his face.

"Hel_-looo_, Evans," James greeted her in an awful voice, one that he'd been practicing in the mirror for weeks. Remus thought that it made him sound like a sick frog. James' face had undergone a massive change since Lily stepped into the library: his hazel eyes brightened, he pushed his glasses up his nose, and he sat up straighter. The overall effect was not unimpressive, but he had a mad glint in his eye that threw the whole thing off.

Probably that was why he and Sirius were friends, Remus surmised. The craziness in their faces had found each other.

"Hi, Potter," Lily said unenthusiastically. James had mostly stopped bothering her ever since that time she had told him to pretend she didn't exist, but he still stared at her, hexed people randomly (this particlar annoying trait happened to be sticking with him, regardless of Lily's presence. James had always liked showing off) and greeted her in his creepy voice all the time. It was an improvement, Remus admitted to himself. And it was still kind of funny to watch Snape's eyes narrow whenever he saw James watching Lily. At least the Marauders and Snape hadn't gotten into any fights lately.

Lily tucked her red hair behind her ears and determinedly did not look at James. "So, Remus," she began. "You know the test we had in Ancient Runes yesterday? I think I found a mistake in the translation that…"

As James watched them talk, a new idea dawned on him. After Lily and Snape had left, he trained his eyes on Remus imploringly.

"_You're_ friends with Lily. Help me woo her. She won't be able to resist me."

"How am I going to be able to help you? It's your personality that she doesn't like, and she told you why. She tells you why all the time, actually."

"But she likes your personality." James raised his eyebrows. "And I'm very good-looking, and we found that book on how to make Polyjuice Potion…"

"No," Remus told him flatly.

James tore at his hair and pounded the table in exasperation, causing Madam Pince to throw them out of the library. They argued all the way back up to Gryffindor Tower.

"It's so easy to pretend to be me! Just look cool and joke around in classes a lot. And do that thing with my hair. Please?"

Alarm was visible in every line of Remus's face. "Lily's right. You're completely insane."

"Just for one day! Just so you can talk with her and make me into someone she likes! I'll give you all of my wizard cards!"

"No," Remus repeated. "James, this is seriously the worst idea you've ever had. It's worse than that time with the house elves and the exploding laundry. So much worse."

"_Hey_," Sirius interjected, looking offended. "That was my idea, and it was brilliant. They were ok after Madam Pomfrey fixed their burns. And I apologized. They thought it was funny."

"I'm sure the house elves thought it was hilarious," Remus said sarcastically. "That's why they don't pick up your laundry anymore."

"Is that why?" Sirius asked, distracted. "I thought it was because I sat on one in the kitchen."

Impatiently, James rounded on him and Peter. "What do you two think?"

Peter looked taken aback. "Oh, uh. Sure. If Remus wants."

"Do it," Sirius said excitedly.

"NO_._"

Remus refused to talk about it any longer, and they dropped the subject. But the idea lingered in James' mind, as all dangerous ideas are wont to do.

**0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0**

**A/N:** I feel like it's practically a MWPP fanfiction requirement to have some sort of Polyjuice Potion mishap come up. Clearly, clichés and I get along well. Oh, and readers, let me warn you of this: Potter hair jokes will always be funny to me. Always.

Sorry for the delay, junior year is to blame. Please review!


End file.
